Let’s start with the definition of Narcissism:
Narciccistic Personality Disorder-Mayo Clinic
“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
Do you know anyone like this? I do. It’s hard to detect sometimes, but if we look deep enough, they are there. I haven’t performed a whole study as to why people suffer from this kind of mental disorder, if some of it is enviornmentally learned, or that they are born with those tendencies. Which leads me to my other study on these types of disorders and how much of these types of disorders are inherited at birth or if they are tendancies that are expounded upon by a lack of a true relationship to the Almighty God in ones life to have to ability to battle these conditions. Basic psychology says one thing, but the Scriptures hint at something greater.
So on the to story:
It was one of those 4th of July’s. My daughter wasn’t walking yet, I remember that. I made all the reservations for the hotels, packed for my daughter and I, made sure the dog’s items were in tact as they were going to be in tow, did all the shopping to make sure that we had all the necessary items to go to the beach, yea know, suncreen, chairs, umbrellas, a wagon, hats, special sun shirts for my daughter, snacks for the trip. The EX was brining his bike so he could ride around, which I thought was a great idea on off times that he could explore and enjoying riding in the cooler weather.
The evening before as I was packing everything up I mentioned to him if he could help me put together the wagon I had purchased to take out onto the beach with. He said he would do it but he had other things he needed to get to first. I wanted to wagon put together the night before since the next day was the 4th and once we got there, we would have the opportunity to unload at the hotel and hit the beach for all the festivities since this was the reason the trip was made.
It got later and later into the night and no word from the EX. Finally it was close to 10pm and he finally arrived home. I was frustrated that he left the whole day until the last moment to help with the only thing I needed help on. He showed no sense of urgency or concern or care, like it didn’t really matter at all. He said he would do it the next morning before we went.
Surely the next morning came and I got the little one ready and packed up all the stuff, I don’t even really know what he was doing, maybe texting on the phone. Then it got time to load it in the car and I asked him where the wagon was. He’s like, “it’s over there.” It was halfway taken out of the box with some pieces here and there. I thought he was going to have it done so we could just slide it in the back of the car and be on our way. No. Not so much. So he ended up just throwing all the lose pieces into the back of the car and we finally got on our way.
We had to drop one of our cars off at a friends for them do to some work on on our way out of town, but EX left his phone on the back on the car before we left and drove away. When we got to the friends, he realized that he didn’t have his phone and that it had fallen off on the side of the road. Of course it was my fault. He had a habit of doing that. So we spent a good hour scouring the streets looking for the damn phone to no avail. Then ended up hitting a tmobile on the way out of town to get him a new phone.
So in the heat of 100 degrees, my little 2 year old and my two dogs were stuck in the car waiting on his to go through the whole process of getting a phone. The dogs got over heated and I had to take them out of the car to throw up on the side walk and my daughter was screaming because she had already been in her carseat for 2 hours and we hadn’t even left town. I guess you could call that a frustrating situation.
We get through the rest of the 6 hours trip with a happy husband and his phone…the whole time and silence. Because of the whole phone back up we finally got in the hotel and my daughter was so exhausted for the 9 hour trip and hungry she was crying and there was no way we would be able to get out and see the fireworks. So we listened to the fireworks from the room and went to sleep.
Ok day 2, a new day? Not so much. Wagon ready to go? No. Us Mom’s know when we have a 2 year old, we are always trying to accomodate nap so our sweet, little angle doesn’t turn into a pre-snickers monster. So because the wagon wasn’t done before we left town, we spent another hour in the hotel room waiting for it’s construction. Then to breakfast. The Ex decided it would be a good idea to ride his bike to breakfast and me and my daughter drive. So I pack up all the wagon and beach items along with my daughter and loaded up to go to breakfast. I put in our name at the restaraunt and my daugther and I waited there at the table. Finally as the food arrive the EX showed up. It had been at least an hour since he has left the hotel and met up there, maybe even an hour and a half. He ate breakfast. Then he was up! He told me he’s going to go ahead and ride some more since he really didn’t get to ride the last hour and a half becuase he was on business calls. I mentioned that if we wanted to go to the beach, it would be better that we head out so that by the time we got there and camped out we would have enough time to enjoy being their before the little one needed to go back to the room so she would turn human again. I say, “Happy Toddler, Happy Mother.” He did NOT like that suggestion and just yelled at me that he just wanted to do what he wanted and to just go to the beach; he would get there when he would get there, along with a little cursing.
No Problem!! He would just continue riding his bike and we could go to the beach by ourselves and when he was done, he would meet us over there. So I took the little one- who was’t walking, the wagon, the chairs, the umbrellas, towels and food and bags to the beach by myself. Pulling all that shit across the sand. I mean would have been totally normal if I was a single mom with no husband on the trip, o wait I DID have a husband on the trip, a family trip.
So after about 45 minutes before we were to get ready to pack up, because the little one was starting to look like a lobster, he shows up. On his phone most of the time we finally packed up and went back to the resort. Since it was the little one’s nap time, and EX was on the computer, I supposed I would just go and lay out by the pool for a bit. Maybe my thinking’s all off, or maybe I’m too family oriented, but I figured it would be best for both me and EX to take our personal time while the little one was sleeping so the times she was up, we could spend together as a family instead of branching off all the time. I guess I could be all off, but I thought family vacations were to spend time with your ahem, family? The trip was only 3 days. But no, little narcissist has to do everything on his time, not what’s best for everyone involved.
My daughter gets up from her nap and I thought it would be fun to take her to the water park attached to the resort before the sun started going down. Narcissist, not interested. He prefered to stay on his computer and did not join us at the pools to play with us. This was the undertone of the whole vacation. The last evening he had friends that he knew were living in town, and so instead of hanging out with us the last night, he left my daughter and I in the room with the dogs..until 3 am. I packed alone and put my daughter to bed alone, let the dogs go to the bathroom and slept alone.
And…that..was the trip. No connection as a family, no memories made between the 3 of us. Just pretty much me and my daughter and an individual that popped in from time to time. And the times he was physically there, he was on the phone texting or on the computer.
“an inflated sense of their own importance” =selfish to the “T”.