Running From Darkness

I acknowledge and grieve for the darkness in this world, the darkness that has been in my life, the darkness that has been in the forefront of my life for more than a decade.

It’s a quiet night, my little one has fallen peacefully asleep, and rain has just begun to tap softly on the shingles above. With each soft sound of water, quiet falls. Quiet after so much loudness and confusion and chaos and turmoil and deep, unsettling pain.

I’m taking deep breaths tonight. Soaking in the loss of many things and God is over and over again speaking softly to my heart, “I am all you need, I am all you need.”

I feel like I’ve been running from darkness, looking back over my shoulder as it tries to emcompass me, trying to nip at my heels and tear at my back. As I am running from it, I am always looking back at it. I’ve been in that place for a long time. I think I might have tried to turn my head to where I was running away from, but before I could refocus my steps and direct my attention to what was ahead, my attention would continue to be drawn behind. I want the running to be over and I think it is for now. God has finally given me a small window where I can stop running for a second and put my hands on my knees and breathe deeply, wiping the sweat from my brow.

Wherever we are in life, we have to keep running from darkness. If we don’t keep running, it will consume us. But if we are running from something, where are we running to?

I think more importantly than running from the darkness, we must know where we are running to. We need a destination. And that destination in it’s fullness is only what the Creator Christ himself can give us. A destination in him. Those of us who have experienced deep pain, and those of us that have been in the pit, those of us who have found Christ in the bottom; we know in the depths of our souls that Christ has touched us. Christ has touched us in a way that we cannot deny and n oone can take from us.

No contact. No contact with the sociopath is the only way to cut off the darkness and to find clarity again. And once that has been achieved, we can begin to find our own mind again, our own thoughts and our own compass. We can stop running from that darkness by no contact, and start looking ahead at the sun the shines ahead in our lives.

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